Every Letter A Life
by Broken Antler in Winter
Summary: The Team experiences their first civilian loss...What do they do when they just weren't good enough? Having the experience many times over, Robin shows the team what they can do to deal with the problem. When death strikes, it isn't the ones that left. It's the ones that are left behind.


That was why they fought, wasn't it?

To protect.

Sometimes they just weren't smart enough. Sometimes they just weren't calm enough. Sometimes they just weren't daring enough. Sometimes they just weren't fast enough. Sometimes they just weren't strong enough. They just weren't good enough.

It was their first time.

* * *

The bomb's timer counted down to zero, and an earsplitting sound booms across the square. The one bomb they didn't have time to deactivate. The one person they didn't have time to save. A little girl, walked to Robin, and clutched his hand tightly, murmuring softly, "Where is my mommy?" The other members of the team were still reeling from the shock that they _failed. _They were heroes and the failed the people they were supposed to protect.

The child's voice showed that she _trusted _them, thought them invincible.

The tears streaking down her face lay proof to the fact that she knew exactly where the one she searched for was, that she saw the flames burn and wanted someone to tell her that her mother wasn't caught in the inferno. But she just wanted some assurance, someone telling her that everything will be alright.

"Your mommy left, she had to go. She's sorry she couldn't say goodbye," Robin said as he went on his knees and put his gloved hands on the girl's shoulders.

A pout grew on her features. "Why can't I go too? I want my mommy!" The tears were cascading down her cheeks, washing away the grime from the smoke.

"You won't be going for a long time." The child sniffled as the teardrops ended, before Robin asked, "What's your name? I'm Robin."

"Of course you're Robin, the Boy Wonder, mommy told me you and Batman save people, but Batman scares me. My name is Hope."

"That is a wonderful name, but you shouldn't be scared of Batman, he takes me to ice cream all the time. Well, Hope, can you tell me where your dad is?"

"My mommy says I have no daddy, she says he went up into the sky. She misses him..." The girl's large, orb-like brown eyes turned downcast at the thought and welled up with tears. Suddenly, they brightened, a smile gracing her features. "Do you think she's with him now?"

"Yes. She went to see him somewhere in the sky. They'll be happy there, and they'll be looking after you every day. In fact, they told me to look after you, can you tell me your full name and where you live?" The other members of the Team finally noticed Robin's interactions with Hope.

"My full name is Hope Summers. Mommy told me not to tell strangers, but you're not a stranger, your a hero. I live on Peach Street with Aunt Holly and mommy. Can I ask you a question?" Robin nodded. "Can I go with my mommy?"

"Sorry Hope, she's somewhere far away. One day you'll go too, but that day will be a very long time from now. Is your Aunt Holly nice to you?"

"Yes!" Hope's eyes glowed with glee. "She always buys me ice creams and she made me a teddy bear. She's really good at knitting and she's a teacher. She taught me to read and write, mommy doesn't know how though so I read stories to her all the time! My favorite is Peter Pan!"

"Really? I always loved reading Peter Pan too. Now the policeman is going to take you to the station, and you should answer all the questions he asks. After that, he will take you back to your Aunt Holly. If you have any problems," Robin took a card out of his utility belt, "Tell your Aunt Holly to call this number. It was nice to meet you Hope. Keep on reading. You won't be seeing your mommy for a long time, but I'm sure she's watching you, so be good and make her proud."

"How do you know that she's still watching even though she left?"

Thoughtfully rubbing his chin, Robin turned to make sure that all the members of the Team were out of earshot, especially Superboy, and cupped his hands around Hope's ears. Hope giggled delightfully, original pain forgotten, and quirked her head to hear better. "My mami and tati left too. But they still watch me, how else did I become Robin?"

"So she's still watching?"

"Always and forever."

"Is she watching now?"

"Yes, and she wants you to go with the police, they'll be nice to you."

"Robin, is everything going to be okay?" She reached out and hugged the Boy Wonder tightly, while Robin hugged back.

"Be a good girl, everything is going to be okay." Sometimes he wondered if he was lying or not. She nodded solemnly, before giving him another hug and smile, before leaving with the sympathetic looking policeman.

At the moment, things were certainly not okay.

* * *

Wally was sitting, watching television without really seeing what happened on screen, Artemis was polishing the same arrow for the last twenty minutes, M'gann was cooking batch after batch of cookies, Connor was sitting, silently staring at the blank cave, and Kaldur was reading, though the page had not been flipped for ten minutes. It was a lull as all settled into their depressed thoughts of failure...of _just not being good enough. _

"Recognize, Robin-B01."

"Hi guys. Canary sent me over to check on the Team, is everyone alright?" Robin flipped himself on the couch, and took a piece of the buttered popcorn Wally held.

"No! Everything is not alright! Someone _died _because we weren't fast enough to get to her!" Artemis flung her hands out and pulled at her hair, the arrow she was polishing being thrown to the side and embedded into the cave walls.

"I know it hurts that you could have saved someone, and it feels like your fault doesn't it? But sometimes life is like that." Robin slumped, and pulled out two pieces of letter paper, decorated with robins and flora.

"What do you know about it? You've probably forgotten about that little girl already!"

Wally swerved his head, as if just noticing his friend arrived, "How can you act so nonchalant? Have you really forgotten?"

"Why are you all acting so chalant? Of course I haven't forgotten about Hope! Hope Summers, six years old. Father Charlie Summers died in action in Afghanistan, mother Jacqueline Summers worked in the diner that was destroyed in the explosion. Currently living with her Aunt, unmarried Holly Hayworth, at 3423 Peach Street, Jump City. Has the largest, most innocent brown eyes, and a smile that could light up any life! Loves reading Peter Pan. Idolizes Peter Pan for being able to stay young. What do you think I forgot?"

"You don't really think about her. You don't hurt as much as we do. You're only feeling pity, since you've been doing this _since you were nine, _guess the rules of empathy don't apply to you!" Artemis' rage-filled eyes widened at the small smirk on Robin's face. "How the hell can you even smile?"_  
_

"So you're saying that all I'm feeling is pity. So you know what it's like to lose the person closest to you?" He cackled, somehow cold and empty now. "Just because it hurts, it doesn't mean you have to show it. Sometimes being nonchalant is the best thing you can do. What can crying or long depressed silences do for Hope? Will it bring them back? They can't come out of the grave. They already fell! Nothing brings them back now! Can't change what already happened, even if it is my fault they fell! Should have told them about the lines. I should have known! At least Jump's police force is good...don't want to be sent back there again. Never knew kids could be so cruel."

"What do you do then?" Artemis breathed, her rage fading. Something was off about the Boy Wonder, he kept muttering to himself, and slowly his hand motions were becoming more excessive, his breathing ragged.

"I continue working. You can't stay in a reverie like this! It's a waste of time! How many people could be caught in explosions in a diner right now while we mope?"

"Rob, calm down." The instinctive response echoed through the cave.

"It's the first time you had someone die on your watch, right?"

"Yes," M'gann replied timidly, while Connor just grunted in response.

"It's the first time you saw someone die. I should have known. But Artemis, let's just set one thing straight. Even if you forget Hope, I'll never do that. And you do not know what it's like to lose everything you ever knew, and have all the people you love die in front of you. You don't know, just because you don't show it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."

"Does it ever get any better?" The long silence that ensued after Robin's outburst was ended by Kaldur, eyes furrowed and questioning.

"No it doesn't. But you get stronger, at least somewhat. I've tried crying, it doesn't work well, soon you run out of tears. Ha, like crying actually does something! I've tried shouting, or pleading, but no one is there to really listen. Do you think I can talk about to you guys? Ha, for a second I can almost pretend you understand! Who's the one who's really feeling pity now? Then there's suicide...you could see them again, but then what good can you do to the other people still waiting? Anyways, it didn't work, but I guess the physical pain numbs the emotional pain a little. Tried it, in the end do you really think you can escape what happened? It just hurts like hell and does nothing. Ultimate escape? Yeah right." Robin's bitter words reverberated in their minds.

The last words chilled them. What did he mean by, "Tried it"? M'gann ran up to hug him, though he waved her off soon afterwards.

"You've tried...suicide?" Kid Flash had horror reach his features. His best friend did that before, and he never knew?

"Once when I was eight. First time I saw someone die. It wasn't pretty, could have stopped it. So I tried when the places I went afterwards were cruel. I went to Juvenile Detention Hall because there was nowhere else to go. Not a nice place, Gotham's halls are filled with future Arkham regulars." Robin said, the casualness of his voice implying to someone that he might have just been talking about the morning weather.

"So what did work?" Kaldur wondered as the room's attention shifted to him.

"Writing. Doing something about it. I actually burned a letter at the graves, telling them about my life and asking questions back that sometimes I almost feel I know the answers to. After I became Robin-"

"Wait, this was before you became Robin?" Artemis turned skeptically to the others in the room.

"Of course it was. I started Robin when I was nine! It was why I became Robin actually, didn't want to be helpless next time someone was in danger. Families deserve to stay together. So after I became Robin, the first death I had on the job was a man called Scott Freeman. Aged 32, and his wife Elizabeth Freeman, aged 29. Their daughter Heather Freeman and son Tommy Freeman were 10 and 15 respectively. I wrote three letters. One to Scott, telling him how sorry I was, and how I was going to make sure their kids would be alright with their grandfather. One to Liz, telling her how much she looked like my mom, and asking her if she forgave me. Then I visited the gravestones."

"Maybe we should do that. I think we owe it to her," M'gann suggested tentatively, "I hear it is the Earth custom, on Mars the dead are not given monuments."

"You should visit. Team bonding?" The others laughed weakly at Robin's halfhearted attempt as a joke, until the silence settled upon them once again. Then I wrote a letter to Heather and Tommy. Did you know Tom calls Heather Heathen? He has a great vocabulary. I wrote to them, they wrote back, I helped them, and even though I can always see their family's faces when I go to sleep, I can at least rest assured that they won't end up in some gang, dead, shot, bleeding out. Does that count as dealing with it?"

"I guess it does." Surprisingly, it was Superboy who answered.

"What happened to them now?" Kaldur asked.

"We're still writing. Tommy writes less than Heathen, though. Two years ago, they sent me an urgent letter about how they needed a few thousand dollars for the rent and they were just worrying."

"What did you do?"

"Bats gave me the amount of money needed, and we hooked up Tommy with an after-school job so he wouldn't need to be dependent. I also bought Heathen a some more letter-writing papers."

"Really?"

"Yeah, now Tommy goes to Gotham University on a Wayne Foundation Scholarship like you Arty. He's an honors student, we contacted Bruce Wayne about Tommy. I guess it touched his heart and he decided to give. Tom-boy's grades were actually suffering before it happened, but now he's got his act back together."

"So what are you doing right now, writing to Hope and her mother?"

"Actually, I'm only writing to Hope, also Heather actually. I wrote to Mrs. Summers a week ago. Heather replied to my letter last week, Tom-boy wrote two weeks ago. Hope just replied. Do you want me to read it to you?"

"Yes, please." M'gann turned to the boy on the couch.

"Dear Robin, Thank you for the cookies, Auntie says I have to say that. They were yummy. Auntie is really sad, and I am sad too. I miss mommy, I sometimes forget she left. Where is she? Where is she when I ask for her? You said she's still watching. Are you really sure? Are you really really sure? Can you send more cookies? Why are you called a bird? Things aren't okay at home. Why did you tell me it would be? How long will it be until Auntie smiles? You are Robin, so you can not lie. Everything will be okay. Love, Hope. PS I like coconut cookies the best. Auntie likes the fudge. You asked about flowers. Mommy likes snowdrops," Robin ended by taking a package out of his utility belt. It was a box full of baked goods and a bundle of flowers.

"I finished the letter. Do you guys want to help me deliver it? I want to do it in person this time. And guys, it isn't too late for that team bonding exercise if you really want to say your respects."

Mirroring what he said on the day the Team began, Kid Flash said, "Dude, if you're going, I'm going."

"Wait," Robin yelled, as the previously forlorn heroes stood, "I need to get flowers."

"Why? You already have some."

"I want to hit two birds with one stone. I want to visit my family." His last sentence seemed almost wistful, as he walked towards the Zeta Beams.

"Oh." They realized what the vague references to death and loss were about...wait, Batman wasn't Robin's father?

"Everything is going to be okay." All it took was time.


End file.
